Am alarmed to be feeling so down. In some ways it makes sense—financial issues are closing in (am meeting with my new accountant on Wednesday), I want to sell my apartment but have to make minor renovations first, my stories are coming along but not being written fast enough, work at the office has piled [...]
My laptop screen went blank last night. Every time I turned on the computer to back up or run a virus check, after some time (depending on how long I’d left it alone before hitting the “on” button) the screen would go blank again. No warning. So I left it alone all night. This morning [...]
Editorial assistant is steaming mad. Three of us, women, are in the hallway listening to her. Two men pass by at different points and say, “I smell a revolution brewing.” The first man looks like he wants to lead us; the second looks scared.
*
Editorial assistant starts crying through her rant. Her boss is impossible. Her [...]
-headed, -nuzzled, -bodied, -speechèd, -naveled, -hearted, -freckled, -sighted, -dippy, -necked, -achy, -fingered, -mama’ed, -moneyed, -broke, -welted, -wilted—
—and yet am toe-tapping in sleep.
Today. Brought it out of a hidden corner and set it in more open corner, then dusted it off and hung on its back two large blue umbrellas. Now shall sit on it every day to slip on summer sandals, to browse through mail, or to gather wits after shock as from one night many years ago (though sometimes [...]
Steady thrum of anxiety. Not feeling altogether with it. Partly because returned to long project last night. After laying out doubts, have tried to tease out the start of What Comes Next—not calling it the Next Chapter, though. Funny, all these little things said or not said, done or not done, in name of superstition. [...]
Overwhelmed all day yesterday by so many awful shocks, and then one last kicker later that night, I wandered into a restaurant to order lentil soup to go, a dinner of comfort, good health, respite. I asked for two soups and five pita breads; they gave me three soups and six pita breads. Is that [...]
No more rain. And none of the promised snow. Just gray matter—puke from the gods. Stop getting so wasted, gods. Have a little self-control, a little respect for yourselves. After all these years, sheesh.
Sludge. Pretty much my mood right now, too. This is not the mood to review old work in. Especially when you’re gathering [...]
A busy month coming up. Two proofreading projects have landed in my lap, with about three more soon on the way. My mother wants to speed her solution up when all I want to do is lay low. And now, just as my asthma has faded and my nose has stopped dripping, I’m feeling the start of another cold [...]
In the large room there was the clamour of card playing and later the usual conversation which Father carries on when he is well, as he is today, loudly if not coherently. The words represented only small shapes in a formless clamour. Little Felix slept in the girls’ room, the door of which was wide [...]
A loud solitude occurs at one o'clock in the morning.
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