Free time

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I finished a proofreading job over the weekend—a young adult novel adapted from a popular television show (a lot of doors and people screech in the book, the characters feel their hearts thundering in their rib cages, and nearly everybody at one point or another has a voice “like ice”)—and realized there’d be some free time between that job and the next one . . . and I found myself in a slight panic. What would I do during this downtime? I had an apartment to clean, stories to write, a laptop to fix, laundry to wash, papers to sift through. A nephew to babysit. Parents to see. A bike path to bike on. It’s a lot to do.

Then, coming back from walking Ruckus this morning, the new job arrived. It was early by two days. The possibilities above faded. I sighed in relief.

*

Two people just said to me: “You need a vacation!” Yes, I do. Even though the next catalog season is much lighter than the current one, the fact that I’m (still) behind on the four 1,000-page books means work at the office will not let up anytime soon. Last night I worried over my future at the company, and woke up with a sore throat and a heavy heart.

And yet, when the new proofreading job was placed in my hands this morning, I sighed in relief. In relief! There’s something wrong if I am not taking advantage of free time outside of work, if I’ve become accustomed to working my tush off instead of planning living life with J and Ruckus. It was the freelance hiatus I took in March that did me in. Never again.

*

But some positives lately:

• I met a wolf-dog.
• A dear friend gave me her old Mac laptop. It’s got a very, ah, stinky imperfection that doesn’t allow me to carry it around, but I’m grateful for my friend’s gesture.
• My sister gave me a flat-screen computer monitor that was lying around unused at her office. I can start writing outside the office again, even if it is only at home and not in my two favorite cafés.
• The office manager here has just agreed to give me an extra flat-screen computer monitor that’s been lying around in this office. Sweet. (I’d asked for one some months back after our move to the new address, as there was so much junk being discarded; I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask.)
• G has returned from her trip to Ghana. She is glowing and in better health and much better spirits. She is also affianced to a tribal prince—I expect no less from her, the little adventuress. The writers there were generous, and she is finally admitting that her novel is damn good—is more than good. I’ve been telling her this for ages—no joke, it is a wild, brilliant, arch masterpiece—but one doesn’t believe one’s best friends, I suppose!
• My friend L is writing amazing stories this year. I devour each one she sends over to me, and feel privileged to watch this very special something unfold.
• I just got an e-mail update from my ex-supervisor, on whom I had the greatest infatuation and who left us last month to return to the freelance life. He was just too cool for us. The day he left, my boss’s boss caught me wiping my shiny face in the bathroom (I hadn’t lathered on any foundation earlier in the morning) and she thought I was crying over him. I am not convincing when I protest, even when I’m telling the truth.
• I met a beautiful pipa player.
• I finally got to see Sherlock Jr., a little Buster Keaton gem. Here’s the scene that speaks to me the most, if only because these days I’m checking every pocket and corner for bills and coins:

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Filed under NYC, daily, day job, freaked out, proofreading